I Walk The Line

May. 01, 2011-12:00 am
I WALK THE LINE .

Every sound has its rightful setting . Unidentifiable sounds mean uncertainty, or maybe even danger.

I walked, noticing the sound of my high heels on the pavement.

I was wearing white. I was most visible. Anyone from any floor level from any of the buildings in view could see me at that very moment. My pulse quickened. I sped up my pace.

Two more blocks.

I was on an unauthorized break from the office, shopping for contraception at the CVS in the city. I didnt want to make the purchase in my home town. I'd be more anonymous here. So I waited until the area was empty , grabbed a box of something and bolted for the cashier.

I was at the checkout, and grabbed some gum just to make the deal look less trashy. There was the conspicuous "glow in the dark" on the box. The checkout girl seemed to glance up at me with an odd look and smirk at me mockingly. I turned away and went to the self check out with relief.

Suddenly I hear someone from my office come up behind me , asking "whatcha doing honey?" Upon seeing my checkout items, she announced: "condoms suck" and she asked if I planned to use them to make balloon animals. Very amusing and the sort of embarrassment I had been trying to avoid..

Words fail me after hearing that but I guess this was her way of widening the dialogue

As we walked back to the office,she handed me a pill. "Want one? . I don't know what they are but a licensed vet gave them to me."

I said "No thanks you better take both. The first one will only make you stop biting yourself".

"Those condoms expire in 2014, you know,so you better husssey it up"

I said: "Oh , I know . Don't worry about it. I'll be back here next week for a refill, knowing me and my sexing habits ."

Our respective nights would end quite differently.

I didn't envy her insouciance. Her first half of the evening would be dinner with an older man, unflatteringly dubbed "Papa". After that she would ditch him and spent the latter part of the night out having drinks with her friends. Her second date would begin at about 1 a.m. , when her younger ex-boyfriend would be drunk or high and waiting on her doorsteps. Around minute seven they would be engaged in reckless, drunken hostile unsafe intercourse with each another. Around minute nine they would be ululating to a Lady Gaga music video while checking their phones in the hopes that the local coke dealer had made bail. Around minute 40 they would be fighting .

She had a penchant for bad choices. Every judgement and assessment of men in her life had proved deceiving. She seemed unable to read into the words the actions and explicit qualities of someone . She proved herself incapable of reading between the lines, applying her own experience and caution to an encounter.

I silently blessed the absence of such things in my life... And looked forward to a far more mundane night .

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