The abyss

Tuesday, May. 24, 2011-
The abyss

Like diving off a cliff into the blue depths below, I didn't resist, and gravity took hold and I accelerated, until I was deep in your love. It was glorious. Liberating. The waves of affection, care and passion swirled around us.

Now I sit, almost 6 years later, trying to figure out what went wrong. One moment we were happily drifting and the next we were stranded out in a tumultuous storm, desperate to get out. The waves had grown larger, gaining momentum. I lost who I was among those waves. I started drowning in the struggle, drowning in you.

Pain

Pain ebbs and flows like the waves of the sea, strong , drowning me in its misery. I am choking on the salt and the sand is dragging through my lungs, slipping out of the hourglass and into my veins. The tide rises, catching me sometimes unaware, always forgiving, but never prepared. Against the rocks of resistance, the water is a baptismal fire, breaking and mending all at once, carving and caressing in one bittersweet blow. There is nothing that can stand against the tide of time, grief and the constancy of the waves. The pain subsides, the process of misery becomes a quiet acceptance, suddenly there's a hush, a silence so encompassing, resignation so enlightening and a moment to catch my breath.

And it is in that final moment, I realize the silence is only because I have finally sunken beneath the waves.

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