-The Big Red Fish

Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004-5:05 pm
The Big Red Fish

There is a need in kids to learn, and to gain new experience. I love exposing them to new things and teaching them things. That is one of the appeals of being a mother/mentor/teacher.

At least that's how I see it - which I guess is why I have an inclination to let the kids do things most would not.

Sometimes there is no understanding of what exactly I'm getting into (or more importantly, how I will get out of it), but most of the time, being open to new things turns out well.

My son is a natural lover of fish, birds and nature. But Why-Oh-Why didnt I just go to the science museum or the aquarium? Had I done that, at least my car would not currently reek of sardines ...

Ah, but I am getting ahead of the story..

It all began last night, when my 5 year old son begged for me to buy him the fish (a whole red snapper) that we had seen in the seafood department at the grocery store a few days ago. He wanted to study the body and keep it as a freezer pet (along with the saved freezer burned squid he "found " in his plate of calamari last winter).

I gave in. We got in the car and went to the seafood section , but they were sold out of whole fish, and he started to cry. So, I bought him a tin of sardines instead.

(Bad mistake).

He wanted to hold the tin in his hands in the car.

(VERY Bad Mistake!!)

Suddenly I smelled something pungent and horrible. You guessed it! He had opened it in the backseat, (it had a pull-off tab) and the oil and scales spilled all over him, the leather seats , the floor, etc...

The phrase from my childhood Catholic school upbringing flashed before me "Lord make me an instrument of thy peace".

Even St. Francis of Assisi , (had he miraculously been in the car with us, holding a roll of paper towels, and a can of air freshener) couldn't possibly have made me "an instrument of his peace" right then.

I heard myself saying in an entirely too shrill tone "WHAT did you DO!?!? You opened that can didn't you??? How could you DO that??" I could read his mind, I saw it in his eyes...he was sitting with his head lowered and his big brown eyes averted, in the back seat. It was as if he asked me : "How are you going to treat me when I've make a mistake like this?"

This is where a mother gets to test what she is really made of: We are so good at using respect and manners for a boss or an adult friend . We need to also have respect and politeness with kids. If an adult spilled somethng in my car, I would say" Oh, that's OK, I can get it cleaned." My conscience told me to use control of my emotions for the ones that are closest to me and more vulnerable, rather than thinking that I have a reason to yell over anchovies in my car. I went to girl's Catholic school and grew up with the old fear-based thought system that said: "kids need to learn a lesson".

I pulled myself together and gave him a respectful-but- stern talk about opening the can, and I cleaned up as best I could.

Needless to say, it is going to take a back seat full of green tree-shaped air fresheners to obscure the evidence of this incident. But had I lost my temper ,it may have taken a lot longer for my son to feel that he is valued more than an auto seat.

After ALL that , the sardines did not even resemble a whole fish. They had been boned, skinned and decapitated prior to being canned, so it was all pointless.

:-) Just a typical Saturday night . Keep smiling parents!

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