Oh, the weather outside is frightful..

April 09, 2003-9:00 pm

It was another "cold-but-not-unpleasant" day. The warm days of early spring have been sporadic. However, one has to be a pessimist or a former Californian to say this was not a "nice" day.

I try to remember that if I am ambulatory and able to breath without a respirator, it IS automatically a nice day, right? It is good to have a little gratitude for the assumed stuff.

I remember all the years I lived in California. I enjoyed the endless sunny days, cool nights and dry air. There were times when the weather was too nice, and I longed to go for a walk in the rain under dark cloudy skies.

What I do NOT miss about California is the 'weather whiners' who had lived there all thier lives. Whenever the weather actually has the audacity to dip outside that comfortable range, like to go below 60 degrees or to precipitate, abject panic would set in all over "the valley". They drive like there was a 10 inch snow accumulation. Everyone screams, "OH MY GOD! What's with THIS BAD WEATHER?? Do you believe this weather? It's so depressing. Oh My God WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? IT IS RAINING!!!! My HAIR!! My HAIR!!"

All those "beautiful people" who normally will indulge in the luxury of valet parking to spare themselves the terrible burden of walking 40 feet from their too-expensive car to the too-expensive chic resteraunt, will take a cab door to door, to avoid having to walk 5 feet in the damp mist .

Everyone would be complaining bitterly about how terribly damp it is, with each splashed step they must endure.

Everyone worries; "Is my hair frizzing?" "do my nipples show (good)"? "Is it washable silk?" "Will I dry off enough to relax and enjoy some this overpriced novelle cuisine?" "Is my make-up running?", "do I look fat in this raincoat?"

The T.V. news persons spend 8 of their 20 allotted minutes gravely discussing the weather situation. The Doppler will show where the rain is coming down hardest, orif the rain has nearly stopped, where the rain was earlier, where it is going, and how you should be very careful there because the ground may still be wet.

At least here on the East Coast when people go into a panic about something, it is usually about something other than the weather unless we have 14 inches of snow . We have better things to panic about , like encephalitic mosquitoes rampant in the evening air, or a serial killer on the loose after being freed by a liberal Massachusetts judge on a flimsy Miranda interpretation, or the latest Kennedy nephew hi-jinx.

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